A Single Life

Ways to Tap In Help
The Clearing Cure

The single life! There are some married people who are jealous of it. Teenagers idolize it. And most single people hate it. So, what is it about single life that is so intriguing to some and so miserable to others? You find dating sites galore hocking their unique way of setting up individuals and where to meet single men or women--Christian singles, professional singles, “hot” singles; you name it, it’s out there. Plus, every topic on singles has been hashed and rehashed so many times that you’re probably thinking by now that this is just one more of those “how to” articles and just one more thing that will tell you something that you just don’t want to hear any more.

In my arena, that of energy work, I have discovered firsthand the overwhelming fear that surrounds the single life. It envelops most singles: fear of dating; fear of meeting someone like their ex; fear of not being attractive to someone; fear of another failed relationship; fear of not attracting the right kind of man/woman; fear of not being confident enough; fear of rejection; fear of never finding someone; fear that you don’t deserve to find love. It’s never ending. These fears are brought up from past relationships, past trauma, memories of past relationships, or even memories of what you watched in a relationship such as that of your mother and father. We sometimes call this “baggage” in a relationship—past things that keep triggering us to behave in a certain way. It’s a learned behavior. However, if we envelope ourselves in this fear, we will draw to us exactly what we fear.

One thing that creates this fear inside is low self-esteem. When you have so many relationships go bad, or never even have had a relationship, then automatically the subconscious comes into play and the thought gets stuck in there that “you” are the reason. The thought is that if I were prettier, more bubbly or engaging, then I would have been able to find someone (or kept someone), and since that isn’t the case, something MUST be wrong with me.

Another aspect of dating that I have found very disturbing is what I call the “Johnny Lingo Syndrome.” I saw a video back when I was in my teens called “Johnny Lingo.” It’s the story of a Polynesian man who is of marrying age and is the biggest catch on the Island, so everyone is talking about which woman he will marry. In this culture, the man offers to the father of the woman he wants to marry a gift, and the bigger the gift, the more prestigious the woman is. Four or five cows were considered to be top price.

Well, in the movie, Johnnie Lingo goes to the father of the woman he desires to take to wife. Now the woman who has caught his eye is a very shy girl who doesn’t think a lot of herself. She hides behind the trees and never really makes eye contact with anyone. Her father is verbally abusive and consistently tells her how ugly she is. When Johnny Lingo comes to her father, the father thinks he will be able to negotiate maybe two or three cows, but everyone knows he is a fool and will never get that. However, Johnny Lingo, to the father’s astonishment, offers him ten cows for his daughter. The father gladly accepts this offer and, so, after the marriage, Johnny and his bride leave for a three-month honeymoon. When they return from the honeymoon, to everyone’s surprise, she is a confident, absolutely beautiful young woman, which makes the father angry as he realizes he should have bid a lot more for her.

Of course, the moral of this movie is wonderful. It shows what unconditional love can do for a person. If loved unconditionally, without fear of condemnation or emotional attack of any sort, a person can become what lies within her/him. The thing that is not stated, however, and what people fail to realize is that she made the CHOICE to change. If she had still chosen to live with the fear that enveloped her, she never would have changed. She would be stuck in that fear cycle, constantly on guard, questioning every move he made. As a friend of mine put it, “Johnny Lingo’s bride was loved with a pure heart, but she had to open up (choose) to receive that love.”

The “syndrome” part of this is when women and men, who live in this fear-bound state, wait for this wonderful person to come along and sweep them off their feet (loving them unconditionally and believing that everything will be great at that point with no problems at all), they typically make the mistake of not doing anything at all to make themselves more attractive, or release the fear that keeps them bound, believing that when they find the right person, they will know it, and “love” will make everything right. Yet, the fears keep them so unable to trust and venture forth in the world that love continues to elude them and they’re left wondering why.
So, let’s chat a bit about opening up and letting go of that fear. Let me introduce you to a tool called “psychological acupressure.” This is a tool that allows you to release those fears and traumas and open yourself up for new experiences, instead of holding onto the old ones. It does not entail using needles as in traditional acupuncture. You actually tap, using two to three fingers tapping continuously in one area, while making a psychological statement and asking the body to release these emotions.

When you have traumas or experiences they create memories. If those memories are emotionally charged, they go into your energy system emotionally charged and will eventually deposit themselves wherever you are weakest in your body. An example would be if you broke up with a person with whom you were in a relationship while eating dinner. Your stomach would be trying to digest food while you’re dealing with this emotional trauma, and thus would be a weak point, so the fear of never being safe in a relationship would settle into your stomach. This point would then be triggered every time you felt uneasy in a new relationship and feared that the relationship would not be going anywhere, with the result being an upset stomach. However, when you are able to release that emotionally-charged memory of all of the fear and safety issues, your stomach problems will get better.

Other things also come into play with this. When you emotionally charge a memory, your subconscious will take it and find ways to protect you as well, so you don’t feel the fear again. It will choose to hold onto this fear, even if you consciously decide you want to let it go. If you think of your subconscious as a mega- processing computer and your conscious self as a little bitty desktop PC, then you can see how changing your subconscious mind might be a bit hard. This is what happens when you feel you have no “will power.” You are basically fighting your subconscious. You may want to do something, but it does not.

Releasing these fears and traumas and reversing the subconscious mind are actually easy things to accomplish if you know how. To begin with, you have to reverse your subconscious and basically ask permission to release the fear or safety issues you felt at that time. If you don’t do this first, then using the psychological acupressure and tapping out the issues will not be effective, as your subconscious will basically overrule anything you try to release. To get it to release you basically have to try a little bit of “reverse psychology.”

To do a reversal you simple make a statement while continuously tapping on an area that acts like a telephone circuit board for your body. The one we will use for this purpose is the karate chop point. This is on the edge of the pinky side of the hand, the edge that hits the board when doing a karate chop. You take two fingers from one hand and tap on the side of the other hand while making a reversal statement.

The reversal statement comes in two parts. You have an “Even though I don’t want to do this thing,” and the second part is a positive affirmation of, “I’m okay.” So, to reverse yourself in giving up a certain fear would look like this, “Even though I don’t want to give up this fear of dating, I’m okay.” (While tapping on the karate chop point.) That’s it. Nothing else. Very simple and straight forward.

The second half is the actual tapping sequence. This is the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) sequence. Your setup statement will begin on the karate chop point and be something like this, “Even though the thought of dating scares me to death and envelops me with fear, I deeply and completely accept myself.” We do not use the word “don’t” in these setup statements, as that is only done in a reversal. You make this statement three times while continuously tapping on the karate chop point. That is the setup statement.

Then you continue on by tapping the negative statement at each meridian point, i.e. the inner eyebrow, outer eyebrow, under the eye, under the nose, on the chin, on the collarbone, and under the arm. This statement for the above example would be, “I am too afraid to date,” or “dating scares me to death.” You always state the negative thing in order to clear it from your meridians and open up the pathways so that positive stuff can then be allowed to flow freely. When you finish with the under the arm point, you then tap on the crown of the head and make a positive statement like, “I choose to release this fear of dating and find enjoyment and peace with these thoughts.”

This is a very basic, quick run through of how to alleviate fears and clear your energy system of them. It is a tool that is very powerful and can change your life, the only thing is … you have to learn it and remember to use it!

So, you are now EMPOWERED with a tool that can change your dating life. The positive energy you send out is what you draw to you. You can, however, choose to tap, or not to tap, but I have now given you the key. The next step is yours.