The Clearing Cure

So, it’s been two days now and I am actually feeling great. Have I stuck with the program? For the most part with a few substitutions due to not having what was recommend in my house. I have not had a chance to go to the store, so making sure I had everything I needed for these four days in order to find something to eat on the program is a crucial part.

I had a singles party last night and did have to prepare ahead of time for that. Since I knew I was going to be tempted to eat all of the wonderful goodies, I went ahead and did an allergy of clearing on sugar again, not that I was testing as being allergic, but I wanted to remind myself that I didn’t want it. Then I took some chocolate and cleared the craving for it with the tapping. That was extremely effective. I did not even want the cookies, in fact, they didn’t even look good. I actually should have done that for the salt as well. LOL However, they did have some wonderful vegetables chips that were baked and actually had some decent ingredients in them. So I just made sure I ate only what was a portion and ate my vegetables and some grapes and I had no problem at all. I did not even feel deprived. So, to me that was a victory.

Emotionally, though, it has been a little different. I do have a lot of thoughts of what do I think I am doing, and why I am doing this, is this going to be worth it, etc. Pretty much just all fears surrounding putting myself out there again, believing that I might actually be able to lose weight on a program. You always go into doing any program with such high hopes and you work so hard at it, and then when you have had such bad results from programs in the past, the fears get pretty big about doing any programs again.

The memory that keeps popping up for me is when I did the biggest loser competition with one of the major gyms in the valley about 4 years ago. I had not learned how to clear psychologically at that point, so still had all that emotional baggage when I started the program. However, I love to exercise and I religiously exercised, doing a circuit every single day, except Sundays. I watched very closely what I ate and tried to make good choices and the first week I lost six pounds, which was amazing! I was thrilled. I had joined with my sister, so I had the motivation and someone backing me, etc. So, I felt like I was going to finally get past this and get my metabolism moving again. I had to be very careful not to flare up my fibromyalgia with doing too much, but I was really working hard at it.

That second week, I had actually gained back three of the pounds. I was devastated. I had been better that week than I had the first week. I had not eaten any sugar for two weeks and felt great. I tried to muster past that week and just maintain the status quo by exercising the same as I had been and eating right with no sugar, but I have to admit that my balloon had been deflated quite a bit. Well, the third week did not go well either and I only lost two pounds again, and then the fourth week I was stagnant, not loosing or gaining, and by the fifth and sixth week, I was not just trying to maintain my balance, but felt completely discouraged and felt it was not working, so pretty much gave up on the program, having lost a whopping 5 pounds. I did continue to exercise, however, four to five times a week, just because I enjoy exercising and it made my fibro feel better.

Since that memory has been so prevalent for me this morning, I have been doing a lot of clearing getting that out of there, and I have to tell you I feel great. I know there were other programs I went on with the same kind of results, but this was the prevalent in my mind, so it was what was triggering those emotions. Keeping track of how you are feeling emotionally versus what memories are coming up is crucial with this. I have released a lot of emotions around such programs over the past couple of years, but had forgotten about this one. So, my body definitely was reminding me of that.

Anyway, I will blog more as we go. I have to eat out tonight, so I will have to see how I can do that on the plan.